Tuesday, 1st Apr 2008, 11:15 AM

Almost two years since I last wrote here. That is shocking.

I thought it was probably good to mention the fact that I am now engaged to the beautiful Chloe Everall. We will be married in January 2009.

I'm so excited about it, I just can't wait.

If this is news to you then you clearly haven't been on facebook recently. Good for you.

Thursday, 20th Jul 2006, 11:34 PM

I just re-read my Christmas message (see below) and it was genius.

A very small part of me wishes I was disciplined (and interesting) enough to write things up here more frequently. Don't worry though, I will continue to supress this feeling.

If any one at all ever reads this. Please get in touch and tell me that you did - I'm just interested to see whether anyone bothers coming back here any more. Sure, the Hairwash tracker is a vital resource but I bet no one looks at any of the rest of this stuff since it is updated less frequently than my underwear is changed.

Ha ha ha. If you really know me you will understand the layers of irony in the above comment that makes it seem funny to me (it is not that I have a bad sense of humour). Sadly, I fear, there will be few in that category.

I'm going to be running a competition soon to let one of you lucky readers be my new best friend. Please check back soon for details on how to enter.

Wednesday, 28th Dec 2005, 2:19 PM

Right, so people have been asking me for ages, nay begging me, to update this news page with something. For the life of me I can't think why they don't go and find somethig worth reading, esspecially when all of the people who read this know more about me than they could learn from reading this anyway.

So anyway, I've decided that I will do my own little christmas message (a couple of days late perhaps but I was with my grandparents until last night (no internet access)).

So here it is:

Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun.

Seriously though, as well meaning as Noddy Holder's intentions were, not everybody has fun at christmas. It would be here that I remind you about all the disasters, natural and man-made, that occured this year, but I think (quite honestly) the Queen did quite a good job of that already in here ever-so-slightly higher profile Christmas message.

I could also here go off on a witty tangent about how I dislike Christmas and list all the terrible and tacky things about it in the Grumpy Old Men style. But lets face it, that's been done and I don't feel I could add any new material to that comic genre.

Instead, I could provide anecdotes about real or hypothetical people accross the world in situations that are less than conducive to having fun, but really I am not qualified to do this and seriously doubt whether it would actually be helpful to any one if I was.

I just saw a picture on a Kodak advert on another website that looked like Julianne and Tom Cruise (congrats Jules by the way - for your real engagement, nothing to do with the Tom Cruise rumour I'm starting).

Make of this message what you will. I am still in bed while I write it. It had no clear plan, I'm not sure if it is meant to be funny or not and on a few occasions I have had to stop myself writing silly things that would offend most people and amuse Steve Dunne. (Don't worry Steve, the uncut version will be out on DVD in six months.) Basically, I started writing things, continued and will stop in a bit. The content is not my responsibility - blame those who have been harrassing me into updating this site.

So I hope you had a happy and fun Christmass. I did. ish. No I did. Really. Just make sure you spend a moment considering those less fortunate than yourself: those caught in natural disasters or war; those who live below the poverty line; those struggling to live under oppressive political regimes (definitely not a jab at Blair); those who are recently bereaved; those who are middle aged and male; those who don't eat meat (definitely jocular); those with family problems; and all the other people accross the world for whom circumstances have been less than perfect throughout this festive season.

To finish I was going to come up with a witty retort but then I realised that I'm not really that witty and I've said just a few too many serious things to make it suitable. Instead I will leave you with a sentiment that actually made me stop and think today: in the words of an American friend of mine (she might not agree with the friend part), "Happy Birthday, Jesus".

Oh and Happy Birthday Ed (for yesterday). And Happy Taiwan Steve and Josh - I hope you have a terrible time so that I feel less gutted (definitely probably jocular).

Thursday, 18th Aug 2005, 9:46 AM

Finally some new news.

To further aid in depth study and analysis of my hairwashing trends, I have added a monthly average wash fequency as well as the all time average. This clearly shows (at the moment) that my current average unwashed time is 40% lower than my all-time average, indicating that I am indeed getting better at washing my hair frequently.

All good to know.

Wednesday, 20th Apr 2005, 1:38 PM

Hi Hair Fans.

You will be thrilled to to know that it is now even easier to find out how long it has been since last hairwash.

Now there is an email service - simply send a blank email to howlong@banksyw.tk and within seconds you will have an automatically generated reply with the exact time since last hairwash. How could it be easier?

Give it a try. Send an email to howlong@banksyw.tk now.

Friday, 31st Dec 2004, 2:51 PM

Oh yes. For those who know me only through this website (and I'm sure there are loads of you), You will have missed the big news. Two weeks ago my iBook arrived.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I bought myself a secondhand iBook G3 from the USA. 600MHz G3 with 640MB (yes 640!) RAM. An unbelievably beautiful suprise was that it also has a fully functional airport card so one bargain wifi router later, I am now on the internet all around my house! In fact I'm writing this from the sofa in my dining room.

The beautiful thing about it is that I can be doing all the usual mindless arseing around on the internet that I always do but any where in my house (or garden). This means I can spend quality time with my family without missing out on my mindless surfing or whilst chatting to people on msn. In fact I am now writing from my toilet (I bet you wanted to know that).

For the masses of geeky types who may or may not be reading, the bargain router is really worth writing about. It is a NAT Broadband router with a 4 port wired switch as well as a 54mbps 802.11g wireless network point (up to 256 wireless devices in theory). It has all the same features of my last netgear router including firewall, port stealthing, port forwarding, url blocking, dynamic dns management etc. but it has a few brilliant other features. Firstly you can configure a custom port for the router to accept admin login from the web side of the network meaning that you could log in and administrate the router from any web enabled computer, any where. Also it has a software reboot option within the web based administration so you can reconfigure and reboot the router from anywhere. Brilliant. It allows for standard unsecured or WEP protected networks with either 64 or 128 bit encryption but also WPA, WPA Pre-share (so you don't need a radius server) and accepts a Radius server's details to allow 802.X (or whatever it's called) database based user authentication. Fantasmic.

The best bit was the price. £34 including VAT and P+P. I'm literally well impressed. eBuyer strikes again.

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